The Dodge Four woke up early at the Grand Canyon Railway Hotel in order to walk over to Route 66, where there was a fine Country Diner that served some pretty intimidating Huevos Rancheros and Biscuits and Gravy - as well as had this wonderful warning hanging overhead. Once stuffed like all the taxidermy that adorned every other store front in Williams, it was time to head for our train.
AHHH. But before the train, was a old western shootout. The premise: Outlaws aim to rob the tourists...and it was up to the Sheriff to prevent that with some accurately projected hot lead. The baddies went down as hard as a country pun- and we took pictures with them and their horses afterward.
After that it was ALL ABOARD! The trip from Williams to the Grand Canyon was about two hours. The train itself only went about 45 miles an hour so all the scenery was soaked in good and long. Every train car had its own tour guide of sorts, and ours was a bubbly gal from Connecticut with an accent by way of Minnesota. She had so much zeal for herself and the Grand Canyon and the train itself I was convinced she had some sort of brain damage. I know Tiffany would say that's just being cynical, and I have to admit that by the end of the trip I came to admire her, in a way, but the first few miles of the train ride I was pretty sure I was being held hostage.
The tour guide had this painted on smile and severe, buoyantly blond bangs and was U-P!!! I only saw her crack once when an old Armenian tourist was talking too loud while she was talking, and she intensely leaned down to him without losing an inch of smile and said, "I'm Sorry AM I INTERRUPTING YOUR CONVERSATION?" I highly doubt the Armenian man knew what she said, because honestly none of us had a clue we were in store for a blow by blow commentary of our trip, but she happily went back to telling us about how she loves to eat her lunch and watch the tourists and squirrels and the Grand Canyon and encouraged us to confront anyone we saw littering. Ultimately, to her credit, she realized her car was about fifty percent full of Armenian Tourists, so she graciously handed over the PA to the tour guide to ensure that everyone knew what was what with the Grand Canyon and the squirrels and confronting the litterbugs. I think it was a big moment for her.
A bit later a singing Cowboy armed with a fistful of harmonica, a pocketful of puns, and an accordion ambled into our car. He quickly became irritated at some of the older folks who were trying to get around him to get to the bathroom. Finally, he just turned to one of the passers-by and said sternly, "I'm trying to do my thing here." In fact, I think he might have cut his little show short as punishment, because I could swear I saw him in the car in front of ours a bit longer. But that's okay, because he was selling mini harmonicas for five bucks. Guess which two little girls on the train each got one? Guess... guess... go ahead... guess...
Finally the train pulled into the Grand Canyon Station. After we lathered up every mortal surface with sunblock we took our first look at the Grand Canyon.
It feels silly to try to explain how beautiful that vastness was. The sky was bursting at the seams with blue and every crag and crevice looked far away and close all at the same time. It's a similar feeling you get when you are lying under the night sky in the desert. Your brain can barely keep up with what your eyes are taking in. Ultimate beauty. Instant love. Like most naturally beautiful things, it's something that humans had no part in creating, and we can only stand there and stare, like the monkeys we all actually are, and always will be.
One of the coolest things about where we were is that there were many places that had no walls or boundaries at all. Just precipice. I think this is important and I hope this never changes no matter how many jackasses stumble off to their deaths because of it. Why? Because it's a good reminder that not everything can be human-proofed.
When Chase and I saw such a spot, we couldn't resist walking right up to the edge for a photo. Charlie wanted zero part in that nuttyness. You see that small bit behind us...those brave few inches...that's it. Past that is nothing but sky below. I told Chase that we went right to "the edge" together. Hell, everyone finds themselves at the edge at some point. Why not do it at your choosing?
It didn't take long before the girls fell in love with the local army of Tassle-eared Squirrels. And I have to say I'm not a superfan of squirrels. I think in general squirrels are the thug breed of the rodent kingdom. If they could talk I'm positive they'd be little foul-mouthed gangsters that if ever graced with opposable thumbs would quickly grow an appreciation for switchblades.
However, the Grand Canyon Clan of Squirrels, probably due to generations plentiful food, are very friendly. I even saw one of these merry creatures happily sitting on the lap of a tourist enjoying a tasty treat. Of course, you're not supposed to feed the squirrels. But then you're not supposed to swear and pick our nose in public either, but we all know how that goes.
At the gift shop I was delighted to find that they sold those nifty little
keychains that had a single view of the Grand Canyon you could bring along with you wherever you go- a single viewmaster-type doodad. I bought one for each of the girls. Of all the
chochky sold at the gift shop, I knew these would bring the biggest delight, and they did. The below photo was dreamed up by Charlie. Looking at the Grand Canyon while looking at the Grand Canyon...
I need to point out that we vacationed with the First Family. Here's a photo I took...
...from the AP website.
I was looking forward to running into the First Family and becoming fast friends. We'd all want to get in out of the heat and lunch together - the four girls at one table and Barack, Michelle, Tiffany and I at another. The girls would expound on Spongebob Squarepants while we'd have much Sangria...
Unfortunately, they chose to visit an area that was coincidentally closed off and guarded by the secret service- and we did not. Oh well. But hey! The Dodge Family and the Obama Family shared the same two mile radius with each other at the exact same hour of day. One day the Obama girls might even tell their grandchildren about it.
All in all our visit to the Grand Canyon was brief. Not even a full day, really. But it's funny how it doesn't take long to collect memories which will carry on for life. The first time your eyes see something. The feeling of your daughter's little hand in yours while you walk along. Bits of frayed conversation. A dog wearing a hat. The smell of your girl's hair that's been sweetened by the baking sun. Brief snippets of happiness that will be recalled and relied on for much, much longer than it took to gather them. The dimensional physics behind memories are miraculous and will never be figured out, thank goodness.
Walking away from the Grand Canyon was hard. I wanted to stay longer, with no real agenda in mind. But the train was punctual, we were warned. We boarded with only four minutes to spare before the train left the station.
The train ride back, I have to say, was very special. For some reason our enlivened tour guide started to grow on me. And a different singing cowboy came and sang Elvis standards, which always brightens my mood.
And then low and behold, the girls look out of the train car window only to see MASKED COWBOYS ON HORSEBACK WITH THEIR GUNS DRAWN!!!
THEN THE TRAIN STOPS!!!
We were being robbed. The girls excitedly clambered about in their seats, their noses pressed against the window to see where the train robbers had gone. Mom dutifully gave them each a dollar so that they could be properly robbed once our train car was boarded.
The masked gunmen came barreling in....posed for photos...and modestly robbed all kind donors...then headed to the next car. THANKFULLY THOUGH THE SHERIFF WAS IN HOT PURSUIT. He was happy to oblige all photo requests, first. He actually asked Charlie to take a picture with him, as you'll see below. But he didn't ask Chase...I'm sure she was rooting for the outlaws, anyway!
By the time the robbery was over, our journey on the great iron horse was near an end. So nice. At one point Chase came over and buried her head in Tiffany's stomach. "Good Times." she said with a hug, then she scampered back over to where Charlie was sitting. So sweet. I hope the girls remember that day even better than I do.
That night we got our kicks back on Route 66! There was yet another outlaw shootout in the streets. Before the show one of the outlaws suddenly pulled out a bullwhip and cracked it right in front of Chase, who was so excited that she was standing all by herself up ahead. When the whip broke the sound barrier about twenty people all around jumped. I might have seen a slight jump in Chase's shoulders, but I'll be damned if that little girl didn't budge at that sudden, jarring act. She held her ground, and stayed where she was.
After the last glorious and gag-filled shootout, we engorged on BBQ and listened to some great live music at the Route 66 Diner. Oh BBQ, I am your bitch!
Finally we all went back to the hotel room and after a good washing we ended up watching TV. Charlie was hoping Seinfeld was on again. She had caught the Toothbrush Episode the night before and decided she must see more...but alas..only Boston Legal was on.
Soon enough we all fell asleep. The next morning was our journey back...
BUT THE FUN WASN'T OVER, OH NO!!!
Stay tuned...
