Friday, January 1, 2010



So earlier today we were in the Candyland candy store on Cannery Row in Monterey... Charlie and Tiffany had shuffled off to do some business of their own and Chase and I were the designated S.W.T.A.T. (Salt Water Taffy Acquisition Team.) Chasie and I quickly and efficiently picked out a multitude of wonderful flavors - "Lemon Somethingorother" and "Banana Caramelwhosiwhatsit" and other flavors in the same spirit. We had about a quarter pound worth of chewy happiness in our little check-out basket and were waiting in line for the weigh in slash payment. As I was admiring an Elvis Pez collector set (a Pez head for every phase of Elvis' career- 39.99) I heard a dramatic, tinny crash behind me. Chase had picked up a tin of hard candy and it had opened up on her and scattered all over the floor. The pieces of candy were not individually wrapped and both Chase and I knew exactly what the dozens of pieces of unpaid candy on the dirty floor meant. Or at least I thought we both knew what it meant. I knelt down to stealthily pick up the pieces in an effort to anonymously remove all evidence of said accident. As I was doing this Chase asked me with a tone of shock that was louder than the initial crash, "YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THEM BACK IN THE TIN, DAD?" Flustered and so, so suddenly self conscious, I tried as coolly as I could to laugh her off, "Of course not, don't be ridiculous!" Then I continued to pick up each elusive piece of candy off of the dirty dirty floor. Chase watched me for another beat and then asked even louder - I'm guessing because the notion of her question was so horrifying to even herself- "ARE YOU GOING TO PUT THE DIRTY CANDY SOMEWHERE AND NOT TELL ANYONE?" Now, doubly flustered, I was feeling the full weight of my Cannon Rebel Digital SLR dangling around my neck- especially since I was kneeling and trying to avoid eye contact with other patrons and possibly employees in this place. In fact, the more I cleaned up, the more people had to walk around me and the more I felt like ghostly Bob Marley and with his God Damned digital treasure chest of burden to carry for all-eternity. I removed the camera from around my neck and asked Chase to hold it for me while I continued to hide her crime- while she was trying to expose me for it!

And it was then...just then...that it happened...

Chase was holding the camera. I was trying to pinch up the rest of the stupid hard candy off the stupid floor. I looked up a split second just in time.

To see Chase lose her hold on the SLR.

Now, free of any caretaker, the camera slowly plummeted to earth. And all I could do was watch it go. There was no time for anything but the simple, stupid act of watching. The camera fell at such a beautifully imperfect angle that all but promised an honest destruction. The corner of the lens hit hard first- so hard that the lens cap dramatically popped away and keeerpinged off of a nearby candy stand before sliding like a hockey puck somewhere else in the store-

But I'm going to freeze this moment in time. Let's just keep the camera lens a split second from its full impact, frozen there, angled against the floor. Why? Because it's something that I wished I could have done when all this was happening. Because, afterall, I was on vacation with my beautiful wife and wonderful daughters...

We had blasted off on this trip on the 29th. Two nights in SFO, New Year's in Monterey, and a night in Cambria (where I'm writing this now.) The idea was to take a trip we've sort of taken before, but do things we've never done before.

First item, getting back in touch with family. This is something I've really never done before, that's for sure. After a quick stop at a place called the BRAVO CHEESE FACTORY off Highway 99 (Truth: 99% gift shop and 1% guy in small room in back making cheese) we met up with my long lost nephew Richard and his mother Wendy. I hadn't seen Richard or Wendy since I was about fifteen, maybe younger. To be exact, I had completely lost contact with them for that extent of time, so seeing them was deep, to say the least. We met up in Fresno, at a joint called Tahoe Joe's. Imagine Applebee's meets Claim Jumper. That's Tahoe Joe's. The semi-corny atmosphere, I think, helped keep emotions in check. Richard is now 27 and I feel old. He's a handsome man now and I didn't have the privilege of seeing him grow up. On that day though, I had the pleasure of bringing my past and present together by having him and his mother meet Tiffany and the girls, and it all felt right. But not perfect. For one, his sister Allison didn't make it. We'll have to reconnect again, next time with her as well.


After the reunion, we set off to San Francisco, and got in pretty late. We stayed at the Sir Francis Drake Hotel near Union Square. you know what that means, right? BEEFEATERS FOR DOORMEN!

The Sir Francis Drake had its charms. But it purported to be newly renovated. And the room that we stayed in was clearly not "newly" or "renovated" in any classic definition of those words. The cold water in the sink would only run in a trickle- which made hand washing appear slapstick. The one thing I didn't mind at all though was that the hotel allows dogs. Our neighboring guests howled off and on- which made the girls giggle wildly with amusement.

Day One in San Francisco - DUCK TOUR! Remember Boston? Well, we did it in SFO this time, which we've never done before. This time the tour handed out these quackers that didn't fall silent until the tour was well over with.


After the Duck tour we tackled one of the millions of Italian restaurants off Fisherman's Wharf! Remember that scene in Fantastic Mister Fox where they were all eating ravenously? That was us, but with clam chowder and crab meat. After our hearty meal it was time to tackle our next thing we've never done before- the Academy of Sciences. If you've never gone before I highly recommend it. I can only describe it as a combination of Natural History Museum, Planetarium and Aquarium all under one roof. Really nice. This place even has a full mini rain forest. The most popular sight though was the WHITE ALLIGATOR. Chase kept getting upset at me because whenever she asked why the Alligator was so still I would reply it was because it was waiting for little kids to fall over the railing into its tank.
One thing to note about this place is that parking here was a bitch with a capitol "itch." I think we parked clear across Golden Gate Park from where this fine establishment is located. Which is fine- if you like to walk and stuff.

That night we found this tiny hole in the wall Japanese Restaurant called Katana Ya right near the Tenderloin. Oh man...that spicy ramen. What a special memory, the four of us crammed together at a tiny corner table, slurping up ramen and planning out the next day...





That's right you maggots! Welcome to The ROCK! It may seem surprising that over all the years and times we've been to SFO, none of us had ever been to Alcatraz. We hit the rock early in the morning. The park rangers have this program where if the kids complete an activity booklet while they are there then they get sworn in as "Junior Park Rangers." And they get a badge, which you see above. I have to say that Alcatraz might have had an effect on Chase. Even though it seemed to scare her she couldn't help but to step into a few of the jail cells- and even venture into "the hole." But once she got that badge and, I'm only assuming, felt the full weight of the United States Government behind her...well just look at the photo.

By the way, this is a good point to mention that all of the photos of this trip were taken by Charlie. She really enjoys taking photos and asked if she could use my SLR. Normally I'd just rely on my lightweight system of iphone camera and flip HD cam for photos and whatnot (Who needs a heavy camera around your neck?), but Charlie was intent on taking photos, so I of course obliged- as long as she assured me she'd be the one carrying the camera wherever she went, unless she had to go to the bathroom or tie her shoe or something. Here are some shots that I particularly love:



So after Alcatraz we jumped in the Volvo and made our way to Crissy Park, down by the Golden Gate Bridge. We'd never been there before, yet seen lots of people in photos there. So we decided to give it a crack. Seeing the Golden Gate that close up was something new.

After that we bebopped down to Monterey just in time for a New Year's Eve feast at the Montrio Bistro. (Insert Fantastic Mr. Fox scene again.) If you love yourself you will find your way to this restaurant. Period.

It turns out that Monterey was having a New Year's Eve street fair of sorts called MONTEREY FIRST NIGHT. So the gals and I walked up and down the main drag and ultimately caught a Chinese Dancing Dragon show. There was only one Asian in the troupe- which made the wife and I chuckle. Moreover, the last part of their dragon dance was done to some obscure Roger Plant solo song. But hey, it was something to watch and we had a good time, before we clambered back to the hotel room to get comfy for a quiet and snuggly countdown in front of the TV.

So this morning was all about the Monterey Bay Aquarium. As usual, we enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. The Aquarium as a whole is very diligent in pressing the issue of responsible fish consumption. They pass out these pocket pamphlets called SEAFOOD WATCH which lists which fish are okay to eat and which ones you'd have to be a real jerk to eat. It seems like an odd turn that once you step outside of the Aquarium just about every fish joint on Cannery Row will gladly serve up some of what's on the naughty list of that pamphlet. Ah, tourism.

As I'm typing this I'm thinking about this trip. And even though we did many new things, I don't have any real stand out memories of the places we've been. Instead, I remember things about the girls. On this trip I've noticed their relationship with each other changing. Jokes being shared. (I don't know why but they kept saying the term "TURKEY PANTS" over and over again, then exploding with laughter.) I enjoyed watching them more than any sight I saw on the trip. I wish I could simply travel the world with them, not really to see the world, but just for all the time it would give us together.

Now, back to our frozen moment. With my digital camera. And my frozen agape mouth. And my popping blood vessels. I guess it's time to unfreeze the moment.

CRACK!

I look down at the camera. I can't bear to pick it up. I just know the sound of my camera's rattle broken guts will make me puke. Finally a man walked up to me. He'd been watching the whole thing and couldn't take the suspense. "Is it broken?" He asked. Chase was very quiet. And very still, as if she thought any sudden movement might speed up her demise. "Is it broken?" the man asked a second time but twice as fast. I finally picked up the camera. Turned it on. Took a photo of the annoyed teen behind the register who didn't give a shit about any of this drama. The picture's clear.

"Nope." I said with relief.

"Oh." The man said with disappointment. He walked away. I looked down at Chase. I wanted to yell at first, but instead I just nodded. No harm done. We're on vacation. It's OK.

Just like so much, things get dropped...banged up...but it will all work out somehow in the end.