ALOHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm lying in the hotel room with the girls - Chase in one bed with me and Charlie snuggling with Tiffany in the other. Aloha time is 11:25 but my computer's flipping me the double bird in the lower right hand corner by saying 2:25am. My head is spinning. My calves ache. I have an ice headache from chomping on hotel ice. Because who knows what kind of "poku poku" the hotel water will wreak on my intestines - so I stick with the ice from the machine - ice which I've convinced myself is of course double charcoal filtered...of course. Even though I'm exhausted I am thinking about today.

But let's start with last night. Best flight I've ever had in my life. Smooth. Pleasant. Wonderful. I love Hawaiian Airlines. Mahalo. Charlie ended up having about an hour long conversation with a woman who from the sound of it is a literal world traveler. At one point Charlie whips out one of her favorite stuffed animals she brought along with her and told the woman all about it. Next thing you know, the woman pulls out of her backpack her own set of stuffed animals she says she brings with her wherever she goes. It was a delightful moment to eavesdrop on.

We get in and are instantly pooped, but grab some room service anyway. The only reason why room service is noteworthy is because we ordered a hamburger patty topped with a fried egg on a bed of gravy smothered spam fried rice. The name for it escapes me. But boy oh boy, food of the heavens!

This morning's mission, attack Diamond Head. We hiked. You didn't read wrong, we hiked. Now, I don't know how many of you are familiar with Diamond Head. But it's a long dead volcano with a hiking path that leads you to a view of the island unequalled anywhere. So you drive right into the crater, get out of your car, and start hoofing it up this cement path. But soon enough, this cement path turns into what I believe is simply a path of uneven, swirling carved lava. No single step was the same all the way up. And most importantly, NO SHADE. Anywhere. And because you are inside the crater, very little ocean breeze. Sweat is what we did. Huge dribbles of sweat. In my eyes. I was heaving for breath so bad I was inhaling sweat through my nose. And the sunblock slash bug repellent I slathered my forehead with was now melting into my eyes. But even I found that comical to the point where the searing pain of my orbs just made me chuckle.

So the path leads the unfortunate souls up the inside lip of the volcano to these old lookout batteries that were used in World War II. But it's a long one, filled with switchbacks galore, complimented with three different sets of stairs, each with about three hundred thousand or so steps, more or less. On one set of steps Chase took one look and just said, "No. You are going to carry me." I would have refused but she made it to that point without much resistance (although I did have to give her a few "Kapus" on the way up for whining.) Thus I agreed to carry her up the set of stairs. There were 99 steps on that set of stairs. 99. That's NINETY NINE STEPS carrying my four year old in my arms. To her credit she did take three of those steps on her own. So 96 STEPS CARRYING MY DAUGHTER. When I got to the top I lost all sense of communication. A woman at the top who was coming back down saw me and remarked, "That was incredible." I would have loved to have thanked her with a smile but that would have just released a flood of flying drool and hot breath, so I grimaced in pained gratitude.

Following the stairs was a cave with the width to accommodate one and a half people. The cave was over a hundred yards or so...and it was low. "Claustrophobes" beware! But we finally wound up a rickety old metallic staircase and BOOM we were right in the lookout battery. And the breeze came and kissed us all hello. Actually it was more like making out with me because I was gasping so hard with such a wide open mouth. We crawled out of the lookout to an even higher point which was wonderful, and I have to say, WORTH IT. And I appreciated the rich irony of watching some tourists from Japan looking out through the bunker out into the ocean, and thinking that it wasn't but a mouthful of years earlier some American G.I.'s, eyes agape, were on the lookout out for the Japanese, ready to sound the alarm.

I wondered if ever there was ever a conversation between two bored G.I.'s, late one night during the war, "Hey Earl, you know what I think? Years from now there are gonna be tourists that will climb up here and stand here right where we're spitting and farting and telling dirty jokes. And I bet...I bet some of the tourists are even going to be the Japanese! That's right! Because one day the Japanese are gonna be our allies. AND...and...one day we are gonna pay four dollars for coffee and phones will be smaller that this here ammo box...NO THEY WILL YOU WATCH AND SEE...and we'll have something called a TIVO- No no...it's English.. and we just won't be able to live without it!"

I must admit the hike down was much faster, and more entertaining. Watching all the beet-faced people walking past us on their way up, huffing with extreme trepidation. So much doubt in their faces about whether they will even make it to the top. You could read it on everyone's expressions, "I FLEW ALL THIS WAY TO THIS DAMN ISLAND AND EVEN THOUGH I'M ABOUT TO STROKE OUT I AIN'T SLOWING DOWN!"

Charlie was a champ the whole time. Maybe because she was having fun, or maybe because she saw what would happen had she decided to get whiny (cite: CHASE-KAPU in earlier paragraph.)

Rewarding ourselves with shaved Ice we then kind of found our way into the ALA MOANA mega mall by accident, had lunch, then passed out in the hotel room for a nappy nap.

Upon waking up the Dodge Four tackled the beach. Charlie victoriously swam out into the waves by herself...practically making her father raise the tide to dangersous levels all by himself with tears of pride. This act made Chase all the more daring, wading in pre-tty deep with Mom, until a little sassy Waikiki wave just came and took her out. That was it for her. Game over. Case closed. Chase doesn't like waves anymore. "They're salty"...says she... No more going into the water...


At least until tomorrow.

Mahalo.