Aloha Oahu

Alright...remember how I said we were going to do nothing but relax? Boy did we veer away from that first thing in the morning. Manoa Falls had been haunting us since we got here. We had planned on hiking it early on, but kept bumping it back. So we decided to do it today. Simple easy hike, right? That's what all the books said. That's what all the folks who recommended it to me said. "Just know you might get a little muddy." Hmmm.

Now, I dunno what is wrong with us. Really, it must be something that's wrong with us. Because this was supposed to be a moderate hike to a lovely waterfall. Instead it turned into a jungle slog. Honestly, from the moment we passed a sign that read "Hike at your own risk...the waters and mud may contain spiracolibacusblahblahblah..." I felt Tiffany clench. I didn't see it. It's not something you could see. But I knew. It's almost like a "force" that she emits outward that wraps around your soul. I know she wanted to just turn and run...screaming out of the jungle with the hope that the very sound waves could stave off the germs until she could get to the nearest Lysol bath. But Tiffany was such a good sport. She just shot me a look and said in a very pleasant, even tone throughout the hike, "Okay...don't touch anything." I have to admit, I was saying it a lot, too.

UP we went. But don't let this photo...taken near the parking lot...fool you. THIS HIKE WAS A HUMP IN THE JUNGLE!!! Everyone forgot to tell us that small detail. UP UP UP. And not just quaint little switchbacks in a sun drenched crater like we had at Diamond head. There were parts where the upward trail was nothing more than piles of rocks slicked with mud, jungle dew and what I'm sure Tiffany imagined as pure death. Pushing Charlie up with one hand and pulling Chase up with another wrought such a sweat from me that I was pretty certain "Manoa Falls" was a reference to how much sweat one produces while conducting this trudge. We were speechless. Stuttering and slobbering with exhaustion.

And then a tiny little dog passed us. And then a family with a toddler passed us. And then a woman with a cane passed us coming back down. And then the group that started out the same time as we did passed us on their way back down. I was so shamed I wouldn't have been surprised had a person in a wheelchair popped a wheelie off of some muddy ledge and flipped us the double bird.

But we made it. And we looked. There were cables that kept us about twenty feet from the actual body of water with a sign explaining why being due to "A rock avalanche that happened in 2002." And we took our photo. Aren't we fit to be keen?

And then we came down. Careful steps, of course. I was nagging everyone not to slip...take their time...be careful...I even told the wife it would be bad if she slipped and twisted her ankle because it would suck to wait for help in this steamy, muddy jungle. Even though I don't think I came off smug, in hindsight it might have come off as a "Careful, little lady." type thing.

For what happened?

About two minutes from completing the hike...already past the most treacherous of rocky obstacles...I totally ate shit, landed on my ass, and took Chase to her ass along with me. Chase, thank goodness, was totally fine- if not a little miffed. From that point on she wanted to hold Mommy's hand. But in the process I managed to maybe hyper extend my big toe or something. Anyway...now I'm hobbling. It's not purple or anything...but it hurts and I'm lame in every definition and cultural utilage of the word.

So we hosed off all the infested mud and lunched and took it easy poolside...WHAT WE SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING FROM THE MOMENT WE WOKE UP. Charlie really really really wanted one last stab at the beach...this time with the boogey board. I acquiesced. We loped over to the beach and had a bitchin' time. Charlie even caught a wave on the board and rode it to the shore. We body surfed...we played in the waves. And I had my phone in this waterproof pouch that "THE NAVY SEALS USE" to keep my cellphone in. Well, I guess playing in Waikiki waves is more rigorous that doing whatever Navy SEALS do...because the pouch flooded and my sad little phone is over. OVER! If anyone is trying to call me, call my wife.

But a lovely seaside dinner at the Hula Cafe made me quickly forget my toe and my stupid little phone. And I thought to myself. Damn. I haven't even left but I feel the pull to come back. Soon.

So we arrive back to Los Angeles Tuesday. Lucky you. We've missed you all and look forword to repeating stories of our experiences over and over and over again until you all start rolling your eyes while finishing our stories for us.

Mahalo.